Nobody cares about your Myspace / Friendster / Facebook.
Posted by: J. R. Lenz [Views: 451]
Sunday, February 17, 2008 12:50:31 pm UTC
If you are reading this, you probably have an account on Myspace, Friendster, or Facebook (or all three). Here are a few things that I would like to tell you:
1) NOBODY GIVES A SHIT.
Do not send out E-mails announcing your presence on MS/FS/FB. People that know you generally do not care to be associated with you on the internet. About 80% of the people you know in real life who join these sites do so because they want to: [a] associate with others in anonymity, [b] get laid, [c] both. Acknowledging your existence and your established friendship/relationship is detrimental to all three. Additionally, we already know all the crap about you that you'd post online, since everyone lies on the Internet.
2) YOU ARE NOT A WEB DESIGNER.
Primarily, this applies to Myspace users, but also to Friendster (which sometimes supports 'customized' profiles, I guess).
"Pimping" your profile is a horrible misnomer. No self-respecting pimp would ever make something so hideous. Not even a gay fashion-industry pimp. IT LOOKED BETTER BEFORE YOU STARTED TRYING TO MAKE IT LOOK COOL. The average "pimped" profile looks like something made by a 12-year-old with severe ADHD, in a parallel universe where Ritalin does not exist.
If your "web design" experience is based on "profile editing," then there is a reason you don't design websites for a living. It's because you suck ass at it.
3) THE ONLY THING I WILL ADD YOU TO IS THE BANLIST.
If you advertise your crappy profile on IRC, please read above.
4) IF YOU HAVE NOT MET THE PEOPLE IN YOUR FRIENDS LIST, THEY ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS.
Friends are people who meet one of the following criteria:
- You have met him/her in person and hung out together, and still can stand each other.
- You have had sexual relations with said person.
- If you are in a bind, said person will lend you money without expecting sexual favors, interest, etc.
- You would do the same, if your friend was in a bind.
- If all other criteria are not met, you have engaged in conversation with said person via telephone or Internet over a period measured in YEARS.
As of the time of this writing, Myspace alone had over 115 million (l)users. Stop wasting my Internet, all of you.
